I am not very good at keeping up with this blog. I should be typing at least weekly about all of our adventures. However, I guess I get so caught up in them that I forget to write about them.
Mid-Years Resolution: I will start writing at least bi-weekly about the adventures of the Copes. :)
This post is about a bigger part of the picture of our family. I am going to go ahead and say there are some personal elements in this story, but it has been heavy on my heart the past few months. I just needed to get it out. It's also quite lengthy; if you wish to stop reading at this point I completely understand.
As I was falling asleep last night, I started thinking about how quickly time flies, and how things change in the blink of an eye.
This time a year ago Austin and I were just letting everyone in on the most amazing secret we had ever kept. We were going to have a baby! We kept the secret a little longer though because we had told the same secret once before.
Around Thanksgiving of 2010 we found out we were expecting. I was so excited! My dream has always been to be a teacher and a mommy, and my dreams were coming true! We waited to tell people outside of our family because we wanted to wait until we reached the "safe zone". I am a world-class champion worrier, so waiting seemed like a great idea. Around Christmas time we shared the news with more of our friends and family.
There is nothing more exciting than getting ready for a baby. From the moment we found out we were going to add a third to our family I began looking at bedding, clothes, and all the necessities that a baby needs. The idea that 1/2 of me and 1/2 of Austin was growing inside of me was thrilling!
Things changed a little in the beginning of January. I felt a little off, and I also started to spot. Several friends and family members said not to worry because some women spot all the way through their pregnancy. Like I said, I'm a professional worrier. I called the doctor on-call on Saturday, and he said it could be nothing, or I might be having a miscarriage. He added that if I was having a miscarriage there was nothing we could do to stop it. He put me on bed-rest the rest of the weekend. Sunday was awful, and I can remember being at my parents' house sobbing because I knew something was wrong.
I went to the doctor that Monday to check on things. The ultrasound tech did not know that I was there because I was worried. I remember her looking on the screen and saying to me, "That's weird. You haven't been spotting have you?" At that point I lost it because I knew what had happened. The doctor took me back into his office and prayed with us and set up the hospital arrangements for a D&C. That day was probably the hardest day of my life so far. It's a very emotional concept to wake up one morning as someone's mommy and go to bed that night knowing that you no longer have that title. The next few months were heartbreaking as our families went through this difficult time. Gradually, things got a little easier, and it was no longer the only thing I thought about. I would even venture to say that life got back to normal.
Now that I've gotten the sad part out, in comes Act 2.
June of 2011 we got the best news ever. We were expecting again! This time we kept our secret as long as we could, but then we decided that we would rather have prayers for Baby Cope. Many of you followed all the exciting events leading up to our wonderful Catherine's birth. Finally on February 16, God blessed us with this happy and healthy baby girl that everyone prayed for with us. God knew His plan all along. I can't even remember what life was like before her! I have had some pretty wonderful things happen in my life, but she is the creme that rises to the top! Catherine is our pride and joy. She is 1/2 me, 1/2 Austin, and 100% exuberance! She is the embodiment of good things do happen after bad events. Had we not lost the first baby, there would be no Catherine, and the thought of no Catherine makes my heart ache!!!
I wrote all of this because I have had many people tell me about their own experiences with miscarriages since ours, but I also have many friends and family members who have never experienced it, and I pray daily that they never have to. Before we lost the baby, I knew that miscarriages were upsetting, but I had no idea how incredibly devastating they are to the family. Whether the person is 6 weeks, or even months into the pregnancy, that baby is their child, and no parent should have to go through that. Baby's Mama and Daddy are already planning for his/her future, grandparents are already buying outfits and books, and friends are helping by picking out names. Then, all of the sudden, you are thrown into this sorority that you never wanted to pledge for in the first place. (Thank you Bethenny Frankel for the perfect analogy.) However, time does heal wounds. We were able to move past the tragedy of losing a baby and new life was brought into this world.
This blog was by no means to sound like a pity-party, even though it did sound like one as I proofread it, and I apologize for that. I just wanted others out there to know the story. If this story gives someone out there just the slightest ounce of hope then it was worth writing. I won't lie, it is going to hurt, a lot! But good things can and do happen. Remember also, I am praying for you! :)
XOXO,
Annaliese
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